If you act NOW

My nine-year-old Julia is quite the handful, to say the least. She has always been a tough one, starting back when she was in the womb. Some days I wonder how we will both survive. Just the thought of this insurmountable task makes me feel so overwhelmed.

So one fine night we had a HUGE fight/disagreement/behavior problem/issue. I might expect this from an adolescent, but let me remind you that she is only NINE.

That's when I decided to put her up for adoption on Facebook. Maybe someone else would have more success raising her. Maybe Julia wouldn't argue so much with another person in charge. After all, she is an angel at school.

You might think I am happy that she's so well-behaved at school, but why does she turn into a devil with horns as soon as she steps off the bus and runs through the door? Does this mean I completely inept as a mother?

After pondering this for a while, I decided that YES, I am FAILING MISERABLY at my job, so I need to find a replacement mom ASAP who might have better luck.

When I first offered Julia up for adoption, I got no response. But then some HOPE. One of Kerry's best friends, Melanie McBroom from Kentucky, asked me, "How is she with cleaning?"

I had to tell the TRUTH because what if Melanie adopted her thinking she is nice and neat, but Julia turned out to be a complete slob? Then Melanie would be stuck finding another adoptive parent and she probably wouldn't come visit us any more. So that's no good.

So in response to "how is she with cleaning?" I had to say, "She has been known to clean when threatened." Yeah, that's pretty true.

Well, that was all the interest that Melanie showed in the adoption. That's when I made the decision to offer a big screen TV as a gift IF YOU ACT NOW.

But no one "ACTED NOW" like people do with informercials. Maybe everyone already has a big screen TV? I don't know. So I offered a big microwave oven too. This microwave is so powerful that it actually cuts cooking time in half!

Still no one acted NOW and now now is later, not now anymore. I don't understand. I guess these free gifts weren't really the latest in technology. Maybe I should have offered a 2009 SUV? I don't know.

Finally, Lisa Kendig Black, my cousin from San Diego, offered a trade. She would take Julia if I took her son Alex. Alex is five years old. He's very cute and very smart. He has red hair and freckles and he is extremely articulate and full of spunk.

While I know that I would enjoy Alex, Lisa did NOT offer any free gifts!
I wanted a free computer with a color printer, a stereo, a digital camera...... anything!!! But no, Lisa offered nothing. Well, you know, nothing except her son.

So after thinking about it a while, I decided not to take Alex and to keep Julia a little while longer. Who knows. Maybe some miracles will happen, lots and lots of miracles, and Julia will turn into a civilized person. Yeah, lots and lots of miracles.

Kerry is glad to keep her little sister. She's actually the one who officially took her down from adoption. (I don't know how to say that. I "put her up for adoption." So I am assuming it would be accurate to say that Kerry "took her down from adoption.")

Yeah, apparently Julia helped Kerry with her resumes and envelopes and it was a lot of work, so she decided to keep her for now. OK, I guess I'll keep her